Until my 30s I believed whole-heartedly that if a woman complained of sexism it was an excuse. She wasn’t very good at her job or wasn’t good at navigating a male-dominated environment. But in my 30s things began to bug me. Female friends were passed over for promotion for no apparent reason. Friends with babies were exhausting themselves trying to excel in a corporate structure that seemed better suited to men. And most hideously, women sometimes conspired to prevent the success of female peers. It all annoyed me but the woman-on-woman rivalry was what compelled me to act. It’s common and shameful.
Anyway, without getting into details that will allow certain colleagues to identify themselves, I noticed women fell into two camps – those who compete with other women and those who collaborate. The ‘compete’ women look you up and down when you enter the room. The ‘collaborators’ invite you out for bubbles after work, make you laugh or cry (usually both and several times during any night) and remind you why it’s wonderful to be a woman.
One day, when I was exasperated by the behaviours of a few in the ‘compete’ category I decided to channel this energy into something positive by offering my voluntary help to an inspiring woman who is launching a gender equality project (more on that once she’s ready to go public). My offer was to produce a televised debate on the subject to help publicise her launch. I asked a senior producer friend if she would support my initiative and her immediate answer was “I’m not a feminist”. Ugh? Gobsmacked! If feminism stood for equality between genders why would a strong, intelligent, kind and successful woman like her not want to be a part of that? I tried to imagine a black African saying “I’m not for racial equality!” with the same horror and fear.
So while rivalry among women fuelled my emotions around this subject, witnessing widespread shame over feminism helped focus my actions. I don’t believe in asking people to change. Change has to be inspired from within. But I can do small things to help make feminism desirable again. Making feminism funky, inclusive and unthreatening seems like a necessary prerequisite to mobilising half the population (preferably more). It also seems like a fun and rewarding challenge and will allow me to work with some remarkable and inspiring women.
I also want to find out if my increasingly frequent observations of things being not quite right are substantiated by research. Sadly, the limited research I have done so far suggests the reality is far worse than I had observed. I’ve concluded I am not good acknowledging things that depress me!
And finally, I want to envisage how the future might look if this pattern of inequality that we have come to accept changes quite dramatically. It is worth thinking about this carefully because I suspect women aren’t going to like all the implications of a fairer world. That habit of
desiring men who are rich and powerful may need to be revisited, for example. Maybe this is what we’re afraid of. But I believe we should trust our gut, as women are so great at doing, accept that the change may have some uncomfortable bits and journey fourth into the unknown with confidence.
One day, when I was exasperated by the behaviours of a few in the ‘compete’ category I decided to channel this energy into something positive by offering my voluntary help to an inspiring woman who is launching a gender equality project (more on that once she’s ready to go public). My offer was to produce a televised debate on the subject to help publicise her launch. I asked a senior producer friend if she would support my initiative and her immediate answer was “I’m not a feminist”. Ugh? Gobsmacked! If feminism stood for equality between genders why would a strong, intelligent, kind and successful woman like her not want to be a part of that? I tried to imagine a black African saying “I’m not for racial equality!” with the same horror and fear.
So while rivalry among women fuelled my emotions around this subject, witnessing widespread shame over feminism helped focus my actions. I don’t believe in asking people to change. Change has to be inspired from within. But I can do small things to help make feminism desirable again. Making feminism funky, inclusive and unthreatening seems like a necessary prerequisite to mobilising half the population (preferably more). It also seems like a fun and rewarding challenge and will allow me to work with some remarkable and inspiring women.I also want to find out if my increasingly frequent observations of things being not quite right are substantiated by research. Sadly, the limited research I have done so far suggests the reality is far worse than I had observed. I’ve concluded I am not good acknowledging things that depress me!
And finally, I want to envisage how the future might look if this pattern of inequality that we have come to accept changes quite dramatically. It is worth thinking about this carefully because I suspect women aren’t going to like all the implications of a fairer world. That habit of
desiring men who are rich and powerful may need to be revisited, for example. Maybe this is what we’re afraid of. But I believe we should trust our gut, as women are so great at doing, accept that the change may have some uncomfortable bits and journey fourth into the unknown with confidence.
You make very important observations here, Roslyn. Indeed, feminism has acquired a strange devisive cloak. But I agree with you that it's about equality and inclusion, not separation. Collaboration is what it's all about. I look forward to more of your posts here.
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